Bismillah .
17th. February 2014
Dear adiks,
Recalling what happened on this memorable day 17th. February 2014 , the day before her last on earth . I know some all of you are concerned about Allahuyarhamuha Mak punya solaat throughout her last few months or even days . Even Abah expressed his concern as a matter of fact .....towards the end of her days in this world she was on diapers ( najis and all ) . For your information bila masuk waktu solat arwah Mak akan mengangguk weakly whenever i suggest she berwudhuk ...and kita akan berjemaah . Usually by the time I end the prayer with the assalamualaykum , she would have fallen deep into slumberland . That is fine , as long as she intended and did begin . Insyaallah her solaats were all accepted . Idris kata , the fact that she actually intended the wudhuk with a niyyat and performed it as well as intended similarly with the solat and also performed .....that was as good as. Ya Allah ....please accept all my mom's prayers , her sadaqahs and all of her good deeds . Aminn .
At 4am of the 18th. February she wanted nasi lemak . Also I suppose all of you know Mak sentiasa lapar especially so during the last few days sebab she could only take in a tiny bit of food each time , a few teaspoonsful maybe with 90% of it regurgitated out . To make it worse she was on a 500ml/day limit water-intake . Tons of drugs each day and yet minimal water allowance ......spells disaster ......bad combination , really bad combination.....tapi apalah kan daya . :( . All through that night she insisted nak nasi lemak , tak renti2 whining nak jugak nasi lemak she kata . I tried to pujuk her to be patient till the canteen bukak at 8am . Thanks to Ajid , nasi lemak was brought in at 7am . I don't remember if she actually got to eat the nasi lemak because she memang eat banyak foods yet ended up not eating them by the time the particular food got to her . Antara the foods that she craved for on that day were spaghetti , bubur trigu , lempeng , pomelo ......alhamdulillah she got them all , not that she ate every one of them . She would asked for honey quite often , and habbatussauda now and then . Subhanallah somehow the sunnah foods stayed in , unlike the others .
She still didn't kencing yet (since the night before ) dry diapers throughout the night inspite of the diuretics given to her both orally and intravenously . :( . Because nothing is urinated out , she had to pakai the much- dreaded urine-bag semula . She complained so much about the tubes especially so on this 2nd last night of her life .....the urine-tube was causing her great discomfort . She kept on saying : " Tiga tiub tauu....." , she was so sad . The three tubes were the kencing-tube , the vacuum on her foot ulcer and the oxygen tube . Dia dah jadi forlornly tired kot .....seemed endless . Technically the whole set-up looked logically simple : the oxygen-tube to help her breathe easily ( otherwise she akan sesak nafas ) , the vacuum to keep her foot ulcer dry and therefore enhance its healing and the urine tube to help the process of elimination ( which otherwise will do grievous harm to her entire system ) . On the contrary . it was all a great deal for her .....maklumlah she was so frail by that time , kulit dah terlalu nipis and her arms covered with several bruises where they tried to cari a suitable point to insert their needles , not to mention the various test/ check-up routines and berbelas biji pills ......i think she dah really had enough , and she kept on asking abah to take her home . Kita yang sihat ni pun rasa macam terlalu letih watching her endure these . Tu kita tengok masa weekends sahaja . She yang kene tanggung 24/7 . :( . Now and the she terpaksa dikejut to be given the myriad of medications - both orally as well as intravenously . Selepas the urine- tube was re-installed tak putus2 she merengek suh i cabut , unless shen she was asleep which was a very rare rare privilege ). That night bertalu2 she merayu sedih : " Kalau Lin sayang Mak .....cabutkan tiub kat bawah tu ...." :( . " ....kalau sayang Mak potonglaa tiub kat bawah tu ...." , " kalau sayang Mak bawak Mak balik ..." , " ....tolongglah Mak sayanggg " .....subhanallah it was a heart-breaking night . I wished I could help , we have gone too far and beyond with the treatments and she was literally hooked to the whole set-up . I mean she couldn't eliminate independantly from the usage of the urine-bag. In fact even that has stopped working for three days by then . That coffee-coloured urine in the bad was hardly a teaspoonful and stayed that way for three days . Zero elimination . None of the drugs are working to make her urinate. ......that means kidney-failure . And she would scold me angrily , " Kau bohongg !" , bila I tak dapat fulfill my promise to get the nurses cabut the tube ....:(. Kesian sangat sangat .....she simply refused to hear to any reasoning as to why the tube needed to be there . She insisted ( and adamant about it ) that she wanted it off . She even tried to make a deal with me . she kata if I cabut it then she promised to kencing the normal way & macam2lah .....macam nak buat deal dengan budak kecik . The following morning , as soon as Ajid appeared at the ward she terus begged him pulakk to cabut the tube , agaknya dah gave up on me to help her . Honestly I would have done it if I knew how . She sadly begged Ajid , " Jid ....tolonglah Mak , bukakkan tiub tu "....sedih betul . That made me cry ......our helpless , frail and desperate mother mintak tolong and begging her two eldest children ( yang begitu gah , educated and bijak , vocal whatever you can describe outstanding children ) and it was just beyond our ability .....on that day we were simply use-less to our mom . Rasanya tak pernahlah mak merayu like that from any of us in her whole life . Banyak kali kita mintak sesuatu from her since kecik kan.....and she would surely fulfill them all. Bila she asked for one thing in her last moments , kita tak daya ......simply because kita don't know how and dont know what to do . Got no choice and leave her in the hands of people who we think know everything ....and yet . Semua peringkat trial and adjust pun . Diorang pun bukan tahu habis . Kepada siapa lagi nak bergantung harap , kalau dah your own darah daging pun dah tak mampu buat apa2 . Agaknya kalau she boleh bangun , she would have cabut lari jer kot .
Lepas Ajid , Sister Mary pulak yang dirayu as soon as the cheerful matron appeared in the ward .
17th. February 2014
Dear adiks,
Recalling what happened on this memorable day 17th. February 2014 , the day before her last on earth . I know some all of you are concerned about Allahuyarhamuha Mak punya solaat throughout her last few months or even days . Even Abah expressed his concern as a matter of fact .....towards the end of her days in this world she was on diapers ( najis and all ) . For your information bila masuk waktu solat arwah Mak akan mengangguk weakly whenever i suggest she berwudhuk ...and kita akan berjemaah . Usually by the time I end the prayer with the assalamualaykum , she would have fallen deep into slumberland . That is fine , as long as she intended and did begin . Insyaallah her solaats were all accepted . Idris kata , the fact that she actually intended the wudhuk with a niyyat and performed it as well as intended similarly with the solat and also performed .....that was as good as. Ya Allah ....please accept all my mom's prayers , her sadaqahs and all of her good deeds . Aminn .
At 4am of the 18th. February she wanted nasi lemak . Also I suppose all of you know Mak sentiasa lapar especially so during the last few days sebab she could only take in a tiny bit of food each time , a few teaspoonsful maybe with 90% of it regurgitated out . To make it worse she was on a 500ml/day limit water-intake . Tons of drugs each day and yet minimal water allowance ......spells disaster ......bad combination , really bad combination.....tapi apalah kan daya . :( . All through that night she insisted nak nasi lemak , tak renti2 whining nak jugak nasi lemak she kata . I tried to pujuk her to be patient till the canteen bukak at 8am . Thanks to Ajid , nasi lemak was brought in at 7am . I don't remember if she actually got to eat the nasi lemak because she memang eat banyak foods yet ended up not eating them by the time the particular food got to her . Antara the foods that she craved for on that day were spaghetti , bubur trigu , lempeng , pomelo ......alhamdulillah she got them all , not that she ate every one of them . She would asked for honey quite often , and habbatussauda now and then . Subhanallah somehow the sunnah foods stayed in , unlike the others .
She still didn't kencing yet (since the night before ) dry diapers throughout the night inspite of the diuretics given to her both orally and intravenously . :( . Because nothing is urinated out , she had to pakai the much- dreaded urine-bag semula . She complained so much about the tubes especially so on this 2nd last night of her life .....the urine-tube was causing her great discomfort . She kept on saying : " Tiga tiub tauu....." , she was so sad . The three tubes were the kencing-tube , the vacuum on her foot ulcer and the oxygen tube . Dia dah jadi forlornly tired kot .....seemed endless . Technically the whole set-up looked logically simple : the oxygen-tube to help her breathe easily ( otherwise she akan sesak nafas ) , the vacuum to keep her foot ulcer dry and therefore enhance its healing and the urine tube to help the process of elimination ( which otherwise will do grievous harm to her entire system ) . On the contrary . it was all a great deal for her .....maklumlah she was so frail by that time , kulit dah terlalu nipis and her arms covered with several bruises where they tried to cari a suitable point to insert their needles , not to mention the various test/ check-up routines and berbelas biji pills ......i think she dah really had enough , and she kept on asking abah to take her home . Kita yang sihat ni pun rasa macam terlalu letih watching her endure these . Tu kita tengok masa weekends sahaja . She yang kene tanggung 24/7 . :( . Now and the she terpaksa dikejut to be given the myriad of medications - both orally as well as intravenously . Selepas the urine- tube was re-installed tak putus2 she merengek suh i cabut , unless shen she was asleep which was a very rare rare privilege ). That night bertalu2 she merayu sedih : " Kalau Lin sayang Mak .....cabutkan tiub kat bawah tu ...." :( . " ....kalau sayang Mak potonglaa tiub kat bawah tu ...." , " kalau sayang Mak bawak Mak balik ..." , " ....tolongglah Mak sayanggg " .....subhanallah it was a heart-breaking night . I wished I could help , we have gone too far and beyond with the treatments and she was literally hooked to the whole set-up . I mean she couldn't eliminate independantly from the usage of the urine-bag. In fact even that has stopped working for three days by then . That coffee-coloured urine in the bad was hardly a teaspoonful and stayed that way for three days . Zero elimination . None of the drugs are working to make her urinate. ......that means kidney-failure . And she would scold me angrily , " Kau bohongg !" , bila I tak dapat fulfill my promise to get the nurses cabut the tube ....:(. Kesian sangat sangat .....she simply refused to hear to any reasoning as to why the tube needed to be there . She insisted ( and adamant about it ) that she wanted it off . She even tried to make a deal with me . she kata if I cabut it then she promised to kencing the normal way & macam2lah .....macam nak buat deal dengan budak kecik . The following morning , as soon as Ajid appeared at the ward she terus begged him pulakk to cabut the tube , agaknya dah gave up on me to help her . Honestly I would have done it if I knew how . She sadly begged Ajid , " Jid ....tolonglah Mak , bukakkan tiub tu "....sedih betul . That made me cry ......our helpless , frail and desperate mother mintak tolong and begging her two eldest children ( yang begitu gah , educated and bijak , vocal whatever you can describe outstanding children ) and it was just beyond our ability .....on that day we were simply use-less to our mom . Rasanya tak pernahlah mak merayu like that from any of us in her whole life . Banyak kali kita mintak sesuatu from her since kecik kan.....and she would surely fulfill them all. Bila she asked for one thing in her last moments , kita tak daya ......simply because kita don't know how and dont know what to do . Got no choice and leave her in the hands of people who we think know everything ....and yet . Semua peringkat trial and adjust pun . Diorang pun bukan tahu habis . Kepada siapa lagi nak bergantung harap , kalau dah your own darah daging pun dah tak mampu buat apa2 . Agaknya kalau she boleh bangun , she would have cabut lari jer kot .
Lepas Ajid , Sister Mary pulak yang dirayu as soon as the cheerful matron appeared in the ward .
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