Tuesday 18th. February, 2014.
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| Fb post Dr. Tay |
I fell asleep on the
hospital's wheelchair near mak's hospital bed. Bila I terjaga maybe an
hour later, i nampak kak oked by mak's side , watching mak's face. No
wonder ada malay proverb 'nyawa ikan' to describe those who are dying.
This may not seem new to you, being with the sick and all. Mak masa tu
memang macam ikan out of water, except that she was not struggling or
frantic. She just lied limp, her head rested on the palang on the
bedside....whilst regularly breathing ( mata terbuka separuh and blank
look), mouth opened separuh.....The only movements were those regular
breathing. She didn't seem to be in difficulty, tapi it was heavy
breathing . I couldn't tell whether she was sound asleep with eyes
terbuka and mulut terbuka.....or she was unconscious. Normally, for the
past few months, she memang tak boleh lie still for more than 20 or less
minutes....she would stir in pain or nak water or lapar or headache or
etc. But on that day she stayed in that .(what seemed to be
uncomfortable ) position for a relatively long time , not responding .
Later, when the nurse came around for the routine
blood-pressure check, she couldn't get a reading , the machine kept on
displaying Er9 ( or something like that). ...Apparently, the blood
pressure was too far below the norm. Mak selalunya will be disturbed by
such checks and terjaga. Tapi on that day she was totally unaffected .
If not for the breathing , she macam dah lifeless.
Anyway , masa the staff nurse came ( Sister Mary, who has
been very nice to us all during Mak's hospitalizations), she was not
happy with what she saw.....she kata, " your mom is not looking good at
all"...." i think you should ask your father to come and see her now,
also you better tell all your siblings to come today'. At the same time
she called for the nurses , and told them to inform the doctor.
Abah coincidentally was already on the way. He sampai , after
being told about what the staff nurse has alerted me, he terus rushed
to mak's side, held her by the face and shook ,stroke , calling her
name, and urging her to follow after him mengucap. Macam2 abah
cakap.....he called her 'pretty girl, wake up, cantiknyaa....bangun2!
and coaxed her to mengucap. She did open her eyes a bit more, her pupils
actually showed signs of responding, albeit minimal. Her tongue moved
when we ajar mengucap. She tried to say some things with great
diffculty. We kept on trying to understand....one by one , we managed to
compehend.....she nak water, then she nak ubat, then she nak kita
stroke ( picit) ...Throughout all this time, since the moment the bp
machine was attached to her, it has been reswitched on repeatedly and continously, because
they were not getting any readings. I was dumbfounded why this has to be
done , regardless that she was dying....they have to try different
checkpoints, clamp on fingers, different ones at each time......I even
asked if that's the case , when a person is dying.....I mean the
no-bp-readings....and what they want to do next. The nurses kata kene
bagi something to naikkan that undetectable blood pressure . I need you Iz , to
correct me at any points yang I could have misunderstood , about the
procedures. I didn't see any reason why they want to try raise the bp
when they knew she was dying anyway. The nurses left us sekejap, belum
buat apa2 lagi.
As we continued reading Yassin, and some of us still trying
to communicate with mak, Kak oked pointed to me , the little alat (
which was inserted in the big blood vessel in the neck earlier that
morning by a doctor, I don't know what it's called. Before this it was
inserted in the hand, the purpose is to function as a media through
which ubat can be administered , or blood could be withdrawn without
having to puncture new holes .)....was bleeding ( tak lah banyak, tapi
kita kesian mak kan). So I pun alerted the nurse( who happened to be
with the doctor), and they came straight in....the doctor adjusted the
position of the alat, not carefully....this is the 1st doctor of this
kind, to me , she tak anggap mak as a human being yang can feel pain
(physical or otherwise). Selalunya, the rest of the doctors or nurses
memang kind and gentle to mak....they say sorry makcik, nak cucuk sikit
or thank you . This one memang kurang sikit adab. I mean abah and us
tengah in the middle of our last-moments punya interactions with mak,
and she just barged in....never mind, this is beside the point. Then I
tanya what she wants to do now , and if is necesarry at all. She said,
'yes'. I starred at her and asked ' for what?". She kata , to naikkan
the blood-pressure sebab there was none... and I demanded again ..' for
what?!', i repeated again ' for what'!? she kata ' can you all stay kat
luar kejap while they do what they have to do. Iz, masa tu i rasa tak
nak leave mak alone, helpless as she was ,in the hands of this doctor
yang couldn't give a satisfatory answer to my question.
Although in the beginning, I told her i tak akan keluar, but
will stay and watch.......later I keluar juga, hoping to get some second
opinions in other staff .....unfortunately the corridor was kosong. I
would want them to not continue, sebab i couldn't fathom the wisdom of
doing anything with the bp when we already being told ,indirectly by
sister Mary that death is happening real soon. Tapi Abah kata , takpe2
let them do it. I reaffirmed several times, and he said he is
sure....ok he was confident about it, I thought just ikut je lah, its
his wife lagipun.
Meantime, I peeped in between the drawn curtains.....I nampak
diorang tengah insert the the alat on the right side of mak's neck.
Apparently, the earlier one yang on the left pun dah tak serving its
function sebab mak's oedemic condition. Masa diorang buat tu, kesianya
mak. Kan mak selama2 dia in the 'nyawa ikan' state, showed no signs of
emotion, pain nor feeling whatsoever, and nak utter any words pun tak
keluar sangat. Tapi, bila kene insert the thing, her face grimaced as if
she was in excrucuating pain.........and she actually uttered " sakit!". AND
DUSH! she was gone!.... I told them to stop whatever they were doing
immediately. The doctor siap kata , there is a bit of cardiac activity
going on, if you all nak continue, can do lah. Abah ,...yang sangat 2
sedih actually. We macam kene rob off our last moments, cut short and no
goodbyes.....
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